In twenty years I'm not going to want to remember only the smiles

but also moments like these...

 

 I want to remember more than the moments he first sits up, crawls, and walks.

 

I want to harbor also the falls it took for him to get there.

 

That moment when I first laid eyes on my precious baby boy.

 

I want, also, to treasure in my mind the 9 months of swollen ankles, heartburn, fatigue, and those little hiccups in my abdomen.

As we embark upon 2012, I think back on 2011, the most blessed year of my life thus far. And not only because of this 15 pounds of pure joy

but because God has simply chosen to bless me out of His love. And He has blessed me immensely.

As I look back on 2011, I want to remember not only the successes it bore. Not only those times of happiness or even joy, but the other moments. The moments that are not so attractive, maybe even regretted, but they were put to use. They were used, still, by God's grace, to point me to something better.

I want to recall not only our financial successes, but also those times in which we were so utterly strapped for cash that all we could do was trust God.

Those occasions when I did not give in to selfishness. When I was indeed patient and kind toward my husband. But let me not forget those times I was not patient, and I was rather unkind, that I may not go there again in this new year.

May I always hold dear the times in which I learned something more of God's character; who He is. May I always cherish those moments in which I came to know Him nearer; know Him better. May I also always hold on to those times in which it was a dread to read His Word; a task, a chore. May I recall those times in which I did not want to pray. For those times teach me of my great need for His grace, His intervention in my life, His transformation in my heart.

May I store up in my mind those times in which there was great joy. Precious time alone with my husband in a cabin in the woods. The sound of Ezekiel's first cry when once he was born. Priceless time with my family, both sides, spent simply being together.

I must not fail, however, to also reserve those times of fear, of uncertainty, or of wavering, for they taught me just that much more to trust in my infinite God. My God who commanded His children, more than any other command, to "fear not". Surely He had the authority and reasoning to make such a command. For He is powerful, and He desires good for us. I have no reason to fear. 2011 taught me that, 2012 will continue to do so.

I am blessed. the past 12 months have been rich. Rich with joy, rich with mercy, rich with blessings I do not deserve. God has richly blessed me. I have nothing but anticipation for this new year, for I know--I am certain--that I have a very great God!