Uncertainty and insecurity go hand in hand. So meticulously we plan our days, our years, and our lives. As soon as a wrench is thrown in the works, breeding uncertainty into our minds and hearts, we surrender our security. We prove ourselves diligent to our own outline of how things ought to be orchestrated, doing our part to see the projected conclusion come to fruition. Whether this be in regards to our financial dreams, psychical goals, Spiritual growth, or where we will be in 5 years, we strive forward.

Then, once an unexpected fork in the road appears, or we find ourselves knocked to the ground after running face first into a roadblock, we are unsure of ourselves, our goals, and our God. We may claim to know His faithfulness, but in the wake of our surprise and confusion, we forfeit His promises.

"and what is the immeasurable greatness of His power toward us who believe, according to the working of His great might that He worked in Christ when He raised Him from the dead and seated Him at His right hand in the heavenly places." Ephesians 1:19-20

God's own power--the same power exhibited when He raised Christ from death unto exaltation at God's own right hand in Heaven--this very power He works in us.

"...that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection".

This power offered directly from our sovereign God is only one promise. Peace. Grace. Glorification. Solid promises composing together our sound and stable foundation which is Christ Himself.

And so my question--why do we waver?

Gray and I have experienced more roadblocks and setbacks in our short life of marriage than I would have envisioned at the outset. But as we came upon each one, my heart was brought back to remember past accounts of God's direct faithfulness interceding on our behalf. Each roadblock or set back became a new path; a greater path than we had originally embarked on. God saw it when we hadn't, and He knew that the pain and confusion of our "hindered" plan would be worth the better way He had set forth for us.

We we're en route for Rome. Our hearts were already aboard that plane, along with our teammates whom we knew the Lord had placed in our life. For us, Team Rome was for only a time-- a much shorter time than we had anticipated. And once we surrendered to God's better plan, we were immediately enveloped in His peace, overshadowing any uncertainty. We still don't see completely this new path, or it's end destination, or even the facets of its purpose. We know it, however, to glorify God; our walking this better path simply in obedience to Him. This is just one of many (although a big one) of the redirecting barriers God has allowed in our way. We face them every week, some more than others, as He divinely guides us toward His ultimate plan.

The burdens and trials of life come, little and large, and seem at times to form an attack against us. Yet as we pick through the chaff of those trials, we discover the good grains. Those grains produce growth, perseverance, character, and ultimately lead us closer to a God whom offers us complete and unconditional security.

I desire an exhausted life. One sold out for God, my husband, and this child within me. I, however, refuse on a daily basis to live a busy life. God provided manna for the Israelites; just enough for each day He provided. On the sixth day, God provided a double portion. He gave to the Israelites enough for that day and the next, and told them to use the following day not for gathering manna, but to rest.

I don't need to be busy in order to attain provisions. God provides, that is sure and I am confident in that provision. He provides even enough to allow us rest. Not only does He allow it, He commands it. He knows we need it.

I desire an exhausted life. At the end, I wish to look back and see that I was completely poured out, empty to the point that I am no more. If one were to look at me, I hope they see not myself, but an emptied vessel. God works when we are empty, desolate and dry. He cannot work when we are full of ourselves--puffed up by our "productivity".

The tiny kicks in my abdomen throughout the day are a welcome reminder of my inadequacy. I cannot love enough, I cannot offer enough grace, I cannot claim enough wisdom, and my servant's heart is lacking. I offer my all to God by offering only myself to Him. Not my efforts. Not my sacrifices. Not my energies. I offer me by inviting Him to show up inside of me. Use me, because I cannot offer anything but this empty clay pot. Mold me, and fill me to overflowing with Your love and grace, because You alone are enough.