I may be too wordy.
All throughout school, I was the one stressing not over meeting the word count on a paper, but rather limiting myself to the maximum word count allowance. And here I find myself again at 91 words over, and I have not yet written my conclusion.
I hate deleting words.
It's funny, too, because most people describe me as "quiet". Not on paper, I guess.
I'm working on credit 3 of 15, and can see an end in the distance. Come this December (prayerfully), both Gray and me will be finished with school. That's an abstract idea to grasp in my mind. We have been working at this for so long. Deterred by so many things: Work, travel, finances, marriage--life, really. It's a big step in our path to the field; a big check on that list of things needing to be accomplished before we can be sent. And mentally, it will be a huge personal accomplishment for the both of us.
It is interesting how life can "get in the way", but at the same time, serve to better prepare us. I would never trade my experiences overseas, the opportunity to work in our church, marrying young to my best friend, or even the lessons we've learned through financial struggles, just to complete school sooner. Yes--it has delayed us in our path to the field. But we would not have been ready sooner, for we needed these "roadblocks" to prepare us.
Our path has stretched out much longer than anticipated. It is much, much rougher than I imagined. I'm thankful for both of these. Although there is such an urgency in my heart, one that rings true to the urgency of the Gospel in God's own heart, I know that He is taking His perfect time to make us ready, that we may be successful in the preaching of His Word.
It is hard waiting. It is so hard. Emotionally, some days it is such a bleak and distant thing in my mind. Will we ever get there? It has been so long already. Yet when I turn around, and glance instead to how far God has already brought us, I am sure--He is leading the way. He is walking with us. And He will get us there.
That is all that I desire, after all.
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Saturday, March 19, 2011
"We rationalize these passages away.
'Jesus wouldn't really tell us not to bury our father or say good-bye to our family. Jesus didn't literally mean to sell all we have and give it to the poor. What Jesus really meant was...'
And this is where we need to pause. Because we are starting to redefine Christianity. We are giving in to the dangerous temptation to take the Jesus of the Bible and twist Him into a version of Jesus we are more comfortable with.
A nice, middle-class, American Jesus.
A Jesus who doesn't mind materialism and who would never call us to give away everything we have. A Jesus who would not expect us to forsake our closest relationships so that He receives all our affection."
"Radical" by David Platt.
In small group a few weeks back, our group leader challenged us to write in order of importance, these things in our life:
God. Self. Spouse. Family. Friends. Things.
We were to write, first, what these should look like in order of importance. Then, we were to write them in actuality, how we have set them up in our lives, in view of priority.
I was surprised by the difference of my two lists. It's something I've always known of myself but not known how exactly to address. I put myself first, as we all do. Secondly I place my husband, then God.
1. Me.
2. Grayson.
3. God.
And it makes me wonder, once this precious boy is born, this little one I already love with more than I ever though I could, will God move even further down that list?
I praise God for the great love He has bestowed on me, and that I share that very love with my husband. I know we have something far unique to the average American marriage. I know I need to love him, as I do, with Christ's very love, but at the same time, never place him above Christ in my life. Not with my time, not with my affection, not with my thoughts, not with my love. Christ needs to be first. That doesn't mean I need to love Grayson less. It means that I need to love Christ more.
It means that I need to love Christ with more love than I have ever known myself to posses. With more love than I can ever muster up from my own heart. I need to love Him with only a love that comes from Him. And that will take my whole life, with His working inside of my heart.
Lord, help me to love you more today than I did yesterday.
'Jesus wouldn't really tell us not to bury our father or say good-bye to our family. Jesus didn't literally mean to sell all we have and give it to the poor. What Jesus really meant was...'
And this is where we need to pause. Because we are starting to redefine Christianity. We are giving in to the dangerous temptation to take the Jesus of the Bible and twist Him into a version of Jesus we are more comfortable with.
A nice, middle-class, American Jesus.
A Jesus who doesn't mind materialism and who would never call us to give away everything we have. A Jesus who would not expect us to forsake our closest relationships so that He receives all our affection."
"Radical" by David Platt.
In small group a few weeks back, our group leader challenged us to write in order of importance, these things in our life:
God. Self. Spouse. Family. Friends. Things.
We were to write, first, what these should look like in order of importance. Then, we were to write them in actuality, how we have set them up in our lives, in view of priority.
I was surprised by the difference of my two lists. It's something I've always known of myself but not known how exactly to address. I put myself first, as we all do. Secondly I place my husband, then God.
1. Me.
2. Grayson.
3. God.
And it makes me wonder, once this precious boy is born, this little one I already love with more than I ever though I could, will God move even further down that list?
I praise God for the great love He has bestowed on me, and that I share that very love with my husband. I know we have something far unique to the average American marriage. I know I need to love him, as I do, with Christ's very love, but at the same time, never place him above Christ in my life. Not with my time, not with my affection, not with my thoughts, not with my love. Christ needs to be first. That doesn't mean I need to love Grayson less. It means that I need to love Christ more.
It means that I need to love Christ with more love than I have ever known myself to posses. With more love than I can ever muster up from my own heart. I need to love Him with only a love that comes from Him. And that will take my whole life, with His working inside of my heart.
Lord, help me to love you more today than I did yesterday.
Our Baby Boy!
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
A near-death experience makes you think. Especially when it's eternal death.
Last night, right before we went to bed, Grayson took our puppy outside. When he opened our door, he found our neighbor laying at the bottom of her staircase on the concrete landing below. She was unconscious, with blood coming out of both ears and labored breathing.
It's one of those times when you can hear in your spouse's voice that something is very wrong.
When I saw her, I thought she was dead until I heard her faint and determined breaths. The paramedics, along with 5 squad cars, 2 ambulances and at least 1 fire truck lit up our whole street. By the time they took her away she was slightly conscious.
As we followed the ambulance to the hospital, all I could think was, "She's not saved."
The immediacy and tragedy of the situation was not that she could lose her life, but that she might have been in hell that very night. What could I have done to prevent her eternal damnation?
During that 20-minute drive I was consumed by guilt. Yes, I've invited her to church on several occasions, and yes, our life and marriage is a testimony to this lost women, but truly, what initiation was not taken? I did not see the urgency.
I see it now. But will I see it tomorrow? Will I see it in a few weeks, when, prayerfully she returns home?
She is ok, for now. She'll remain in the ICU for a few more days undergoing observation for the bleeding in her brain and five skull fractures. If she pulls through; if she makes a full recovery; this I pray will be her turning point.
Oh Lord, pull her through this, and give me another chance.
Why is it that we take so lightly the urgency of the Gospel? That phrase in itself, "urgency of the Gospel", has lost its intensity and fierceness. We could name a million things that distract us from sharing the Gospel with those we come into regular contact with, but when it comes down to it, we are cowards. Where is the "fire shut up in my bones"? Woe to me if I speak not the Gospel. We just take it so lightly, we don't even consider the repercussions. We don't consider the consequences of our lack of effort. We don't consider the souls on their way to eternal destruction--Hell.
May God have mercy on us, and may He embolden us, for we have the greatest message in the world to proclaim!
"For I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God that brings salvation to everyone who believes..." Romans 1:16
May I not be a hypocrite in writing this.
Last night, right before we went to bed, Grayson took our puppy outside. When he opened our door, he found our neighbor laying at the bottom of her staircase on the concrete landing below. She was unconscious, with blood coming out of both ears and labored breathing.
It's one of those times when you can hear in your spouse's voice that something is very wrong.
When I saw her, I thought she was dead until I heard her faint and determined breaths. The paramedics, along with 5 squad cars, 2 ambulances and at least 1 fire truck lit up our whole street. By the time they took her away she was slightly conscious.
As we followed the ambulance to the hospital, all I could think was, "She's not saved."
The immediacy and tragedy of the situation was not that she could lose her life, but that she might have been in hell that very night. What could I have done to prevent her eternal damnation?
During that 20-minute drive I was consumed by guilt. Yes, I've invited her to church on several occasions, and yes, our life and marriage is a testimony to this lost women, but truly, what initiation was not taken? I did not see the urgency.
I see it now. But will I see it tomorrow? Will I see it in a few weeks, when, prayerfully she returns home?
She is ok, for now. She'll remain in the ICU for a few more days undergoing observation for the bleeding in her brain and five skull fractures. If she pulls through; if she makes a full recovery; this I pray will be her turning point.
Oh Lord, pull her through this, and give me another chance.
Why is it that we take so lightly the urgency of the Gospel? That phrase in itself, "urgency of the Gospel", has lost its intensity and fierceness. We could name a million things that distract us from sharing the Gospel with those we come into regular contact with, but when it comes down to it, we are cowards. Where is the "fire shut up in my bones"? Woe to me if I speak not the Gospel. We just take it so lightly, we don't even consider the repercussions. We don't consider the consequences of our lack of effort. We don't consider the souls on their way to eternal destruction--Hell.
May God have mercy on us, and may He embolden us, for we have the greatest message in the world to proclaim!
"For I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God that brings salvation to everyone who believes..." Romans 1:16
May I not be a hypocrite in writing this.
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